One of my summer projects is to listen to and watch a stack of classical music DVDs aimed at babies and young children. I’ve been kind of dreading it, because top of the pile is Baby Bach in the Baby Einstein series. I’ve heard rumours, but good god! Nothing prepared me for this dreck. Horrible arrangements — no dynamics whatsoever; thin, electronically-produced sounds; hideous, nausea-inducing toys moving not to the beat — often just off the beat. The only visuals that work at any level are a series of spinning tops accompanying Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring.The announcer has the “vocal fry” that seems to be requisite in material of such lameness. To top off this disaster, there is a beautiful three- or four-year-old child — wearing lipstick! I can’t see any Kardashian in the credits…but one of them must have been nearby.

Clearly this crap is not aimed at actual children at all, but at their poor, worn-out parents who want to do the best for their offspring, and have been told that classical music is good for their kids! (More on that in another blog!) But parents would be better playing the theme from Bonanza for their children. Okay, too old a reference, but I am pretty old.

I’m imagining an alternative: dynamic, top-of-the-heap performances by great performers with visuals of the natural world, i.e. OUTSIDE. Far out, right! Snow, rain, leaves, fish jumping in arcs, people walking, children running and skipping, birds singing, waves, moonbeams, dogs, skies, clouds, spiderwebs. You get the picture. Hmmmm — message me if you’d like to be in the Ms. Purdy Presents DVD series for young children.

I’ve exhausted myself setting this up!

Subjects of future posts:

What I Bought at the Dollar Store

Gauging My Mood with a Tuning Fork

The Miracle of Wax Paper